The Women in Law members of the Texas Dallas Chapter met over a Zoom lunch hour on Friday, September 27, 2024, to discuss the topic, “How to Manage Work, Family and our Callings.” Mackenzie Brasher, a licensed therapist in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, presented on this topic, with chapter members sharing advice on how to find a better balance among the competing demands of their time. Although finding a work-life balance is a goal for many attorneys, it can be particularly hard to achieve for lawyers of faith who often have additional responsibilities associated with church and family. The legal profession is notorious for its long hours, high-stress levels, and the pressure to perform under deadlines. To help address these realities, Brasher suggested strategies for achieving balance, including finding a good therapist, prioritizing breathing exercises, and addressing incorrect thinking patterns.
Much of the discussion centered on finding a good therapist, as Brasher indicated there is a benefit to talking through things with a third party. She likened the process to dating. “Just like lawyers, not all counselors are created equal,” explained Brasher. “Some may fit with you better than others.” She also explained, “You have to like your therapist and trust [him or her], otherwise you are not going to listen.” Brasher also emphasized to not wait to start meeting with a therapist. Often people wait until it is too late to recognize that they may need help. Whether it be individual, marriage, or family therapy, there are many resources out there to help with mental health issues. “Counseling is a constructive way to have a conversation,” explained lawyer and moderator host Melinda Eitzen. It was also noted that constructive coaching can make all the difference.
Brasher also explained breathing exercises can help. Breathing exercises can help regulate your body when it is activated by stress. Deregulation occurs when you get upset. Doing something like “box breathing”, a breathing technique that involves inhaling, holding the breath, exhaling, and holding the breath again (like a four-sided box), can be an important tool to self-regulate. Brasher shared that in addition to helping you “be a better version of yourself,” engaging in breathing exercises can also help others, including family members who may need to see this technique demonstrated as a positive model on how to handle difficult emotions. Brasher also shared that focusing on breathing in stressful situations is scientifically proven helpful and an easy resource to help with regulation.
Additionally, a person’s thinking patterns and focus make a difference. “If we have a fear-based pattern of thought, it is not helpful,” Brasher commented. Moreover, thinking errors with feelings of all or nothing is not helpful. One way to help become more aware of thinking patterns is through journaling your thoughts, which can increase our ability to see how our thoughts impact our emotions.
Brasher also shared that it is important to understand what boundaries are and how to set boundaries. Learning to recognize what boundaries are, and what boundaries you need, is vital. The phrase, “‘You will not talk to me that way”” is not you setting a boundary, Brasher explained. Instead, “that’s a request, or maybe even a rule.” A phrase that communicates a boundary is a statement that indicates how you will respond if a certain action occurs, such as, “if you talk to me that way, this is what I am going to do….” Brasher explained that boundaries are about protecting your own time and emotional space, which is necessary for good mental health.
The Zoom lunch ended with Brasher explaining that one of the keys to being successful is being available, whether it be at work, with your family, or serving at church. Learning to be present while prioritizing work, family, and church demands is hard. However, with effort, it is possible to strengthen relationships and create balance.